:)

I'm so tired right now, not so much physically tired but mentally tired. I'm tired of doing the same thing every day. my day to day life consist off.
wake up for school
argue with mum
get in the car with Kate, hardly talk because were tired
get to school
spend most of the day being moody for lack of sleep
and then end up having arguments with teachers about my piercing
having to take that out every bloody lesson!
then wondering why the fuck did i get it done in the first place but then reassuring myself
that I've wanted it for ages and therefore cannot turn back now, and doing such will let the school realise i have given into there stupid rules which half of them do not agree with.
i then come home end up laying in bed all evening
end up sleeping from about half 6 till 9
wash my hair
watch some crap TV that is on most nights (though apart from Thursdays which is skins, which cheers up my weeks sadly, but then makes me even more depressed about my shit life during school weeks)
then it all happens the next day, though i tend to spice things up by having a random day off during the week and staying in bed all day, OH! rebel? I'm sure.
okay so writing this doesn't one bit change my day to day life at all?
i need some motivation that's what i think it is, well at least that's what I'm convincing myself.
though the main problem is motivation is my weakest point, i can never stick at things i have no real ambition and no real drive to do anything, it upsets me allot.
I'm hoping college will change this, as its only a two year course its not long enough to get bored, but its just the right amount of time for me to be motivated and enjoy something.
hopefully I'm good at the subjects and get something out of it. i hope i will realise my purpose, some people already know this purpose, some never realise there purpose until they die. I just hope i realise mine, I'm pretty sure it will make my life travel in one direction instead of going off in different routes. But hey, who said that was a bad thing?

I'm very much aware of every single girl (or guy) at my age going through the stage of feeling stupidly down for no reason what so ever, but i went through that. So please explain to me, why am i going through this again?!
I'm trying to justify it, but saying its because i have lost a lot recently, i have lost all hope in boys. I have lost my best friend i have her back now, but there's no way its the same she doesn't make the effort and its very half hearted on both sides. I'm lost, i don't really know how to feel and how to function at the moment. I don't know what words and what order to put them into to make the impact that i want to explain the feelings I'm feeling right now.

Ive never been good at explaining how i feel, i can never put things into words really i find it difficult. I'm a lot better at using hand movements and saying "urm you no yeah" then actually using real words. Anyway, Ive always been a lot better at listening to how others put there emotions into words, I'm good at listening but i guess there is no talent behind listening. Its just some people are interested and some people aren't. I've Always rather to sit there and listen to someone tell me a story then to stand in front of loads of people and read to them, I admire people who have the confidence to do things like that, its always something i didn't feel comfortable doing. But oddly with that in mind i was a part of a dancing and drama school for 9 years always on stage being the picked to be centre stage, i used to be so scared. But as soon as i got up there it was different, i felt as if i could achieve anything. Its shame i don't feel that anymore, i miss that part of my childhood. I felt so good back then.
But I'm guessing its a teenage thing and i will soon realise what I'm worth and capable when i grow up.